Sunday, September 26, 2010

Brian G vol.1


Years ago I would pretend to work at a bookstore. A closer truth would be that years ago I would stand inside a bookstore. However, the absolute truth is that years ago I would draw cartoons of my then new friend Brian G. Really, 2000's and still with the books.

This first cartoon is the actual first Brian G cartoon, and it's called the Brian Jig! I'll assume that if you don't think these are funny that you are on a special computer for the blind and that all this is being phonetically read to you by a robot voice. This is no place for you blind man, you will never understand the Brian Jig.


Most Brian cartoons have to do with the concept of rhyming the word Brian, and usually it is a stretch, like this one! You can tell it's Brian by his signature hairdo. For some reason the French Fry people grow their head from the middle of their box bodies. I would assume the fries grow and molt every year and are primarily used for attracting mates.


In this one it seems Brian forgot the potato salad for this picnic which presumably this relationship is hinging on, but Brian, aloof or otherwise, does not seem to care. Hell that's what gets the hot mamas on the blanket though, well done.


Here is Brian as a twenties style boxer with a suiting stance and stache.


If there's one thing that Brian wishes for it's the chance to fly above the clouds so he can look down upon all the flightless normal humans. They hate him because he is different, and he hates them because they are all the same. But this is nothing but a fantasy for him for some reason, and because he can never be hated by all the world (again, strange fantasy but whatever) he is seen here crying.


Rhymes are always funny, ready? GO!
DUCK!
BIGGER!
PUNT!
HIT!
Brian G is not only a master vigilante, but also a master profiler. Quickly assessing that a man is both bald and has a beard, Brian makes moves to quickly detain the ne'er-do-well by setting up his own invention, the beard trap. He scares the fiend into the trap using his justice delivering fright-chime! Another day saved, suck it baldy!

Anyway, buying books? You're not impressing anyone, put that Patterson back on the shelf, use the bathroom and leave. Quit pretending that's not what you're really here to do.